How Do You Solve a Problem Like Mariaaaaa?

Here’s the deal, I used to hate my job.  Key words:  used to.  Then I got moved to a new group where the air wasn’t poison and the goal of the day wasn’t to send the shittiest email to make someone else look bad in front of the boss.  It was like heaven.  Open communication, free learning, no attitudes, like I said, professional life bliss.  So I’m sitting at my desk last week and I get a phone call asking for an updated resume to bid on a contract for said group and saying that there’s a strong possibility that I’ll be put back in horror group.  You remember, the group where we all despised each other so much but were so sugary sweet fake my teeth were rotting out of my face from just uttering the words.  Anyway, after that phone call a series of panicked and stressed phone calls and emails followed and my fury slash despair was slightly assuaged.  I was told that it was all up in the air at that point but there was a deadline and they needed my resume regardless of the outcome.  I pushed the feelings of dread aside.

Until today.

Today I get a text asking, “so you’re officially back in our group?!”  Well kids, this was the first I heard of it.  I guess my old boss sent out an email to everyone in the group (except me, mind you) saying I was officially back.  Great.  Thanks for letting me know guys.  You’re doing a real bang up job up there.  So I start texting everyone asking if they know anything, since I’m in class and not actually at work at this point, and no one else has heard anything either.  Honestly.  What the hell.  First of all, why is it okay that I just keep getting bounced around and passed back and forth like a beach ball at a concert?  I am not a doobie to be passed around, people.  Also, why the hell doesn’t anyone feel the need to inform me about this?  I’m just so disposable that one day I show up and all of my shit is in a different area and I’m in a new group and I don’t need to be notified?  That’s fine.  I’m just your little worker robot who has no soul and doesn’t need information – I just work strictly on a need to know basis, but it’s been established by someone other than myself that I don’t need to know anything.  This is part of the reason why I hated working in the old job to begin with – no communication.

All of the problems that I escaped from, I’m now being thrown back into, but at a total disadvantage, since I’m guessing everyone hates me even more now since I had that glimpse of freedom and space.  Also, since I still technically don’t know about it.  Yikes.  So I ask, how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?  Because that’s what surviving in this group is like.  It looks easy, but it’s an illusion.  And it sucks.

xoxo, Kash

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